In a recent post I talked about how my heart had changed at youth camp. Typically I go to camp as a leader thinking I will help teach others, when in reality God uses those students to teach me! I hate to keep bringing this up in my life but obviously the miscarriage that I experienced 2.5 months ago still hurts some days. For the most part I have moved on and I'm embracing life again but there are those moments where I ask God what I am supposed to learn from that experience. So I'm standing in worship one night of camp and asking God to speak to me...to answer some questions. "Why did that happen on April 17th? What could I possibly learn from this Lord? Will you heal my heart completely? Will you make my life matter? Will you please use me, Lord?"
I had this moment where it was almost an audible voice. That peace that passed ALL human understanding of the last 2.5 months. I looked up and saw a few of my students. "Krista, you are HERE. You may not understand why you lost that baby, but trust me, I have brought you to this place to love these kids in this moment. Though you lost your own child, I've given you the opportunity to teach, mentor, love, and care for these kids. You are here at camp, with no distractions, not pregnant, completely vulnerable, with a broken heart, and I use you in those moments. Be thankful that you have this time in your life to pour out. This is your destiny for right now. You are exactly where I want you to be." It was very surreal. This peace came over me. I shared the story with my small group of girls that night.
I love how when I do cry out to Him he does answer. I've gone through a difficult trial but knew that it was creating perseverance and ultimately refining me as a believer.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."